What it feels like to never have a relationship all your life

If you never been in love it becomes a common question as to when you’ll actually find it. Love seems to always creep up all around you wherever you go. While watching others go on second dates, act like goofballs, buy each other gifts, from the romantic cliché of feeding each other at dinner to even getting a third date; it becomes an obnoxious chatter left on repeat. It’s surprisingly rare to find someone to share your life with, but when you do you never want to let that person go.

But for someone like me, it’s a completely different story. I’m almost in my mid 20’s and I never had a girlfriend, never been in a relationship, never held a girls hand in public, never told a girl I loved her, never had the second date. The common number I’m used to is three, as three being the 3^rd wheel.

As you get older you realize that relationships are an important part of growing up and maturing as a person because you learn. You learn communication, to trust, accepting someone as who they are, discovering new places, and more importantly you learn about yourself and you become a better person. The act to actually falling in love with another person, fading into each other, and helping your partner become a better person is truly magical.

For those of us, like myself who never experience falling in love we see it as a scary and messy place to be. I can’t tell you how many times I have been on only a “one date” and never had the “second date” with a girl, it never goes anywhere for me. I always feel lost. Is it me, or is it her? I predict that it’s usually me.

All of my friends are dating or have dated someone in the past and of course, they know what it’s like, they’ve been through it all. Picture taking, romantic movie nights, meeting someone’s parents, fights, long nights on the phone, and everything else that comes along with having someone in your life. I on the other hand haven’t been as lucky to experience anything like that. In your mid 20’s you end up going through a lot when love is all around you, except with you. I’ll have my friends tell me over and over again, “You’re missing out on something so beautiful. Being able to connect with someone and experience a bond that you two can share” – trust me, I know.

Never having a relationship all your life you really don’t know what that’s like. You know what it’s like to feel broken, to feel lost, and you eventually become really insecure. You tend to get into a black hole where you never know what to do. “I don’t understand, why won’t she text me back? We made plans what happened? You got too drunk so you met someone else? You don’t like my cooking, you don’t like pasta and meatballs?” It feels sad and most times depressing, but more than anything, never having a relationship feels rejuvenating.

How many times have you gone out and have seen a couple holding hands, maybe they are on one of their first dates or maybe they’re going to a wedding together as a plus one. I know I have. No matter how long you have dated someone, it’s more than just being “together.” Many people think that love conquers all, but it’s more than love that makes a relationship work such as communicating, being in sync with each other, your significant other will make you a better person, you balance each other out, and more. Relationships work through all different ways and never having one gives it a refreshing look.

Today this hook up culture we have created we question dating, in relationships what are the deal breakers? Why are we not dating anymore? People today aren’t really looking for everlasting relationships. They’d rather spend their nights in bed with someone new and under the influence. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind having some drinks and sleeping around, but it’s not my forte. Find yourself first.

Some like myself, focus on themselves and are career driven. It’s a perfect thing because you leave your comfort zone and everything eventually else comes together. When you don’t look for love, it comes to you. To some, love is beautiful and magical and to others love is full of creativity and imagination, but no matter who you are whether you had plenty of relationships or never even had a second date, you have to learn to put your own insecurities aside while just having fun. Someday I know I’m going to make a great dad and a great husband.

Thanks for reading everyone

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Mahipal SoCal - @mahipalsocal