Get real with your ugliness

New York City streets can be long and the doors passing you by are just as unknown as the places you see. Every time I’m walking to an event or to meet up with a friend I always notice streets with familiar doors that have never been open. Whether it’s an old coffee shop, a gym or even a local bookstore, it’s all I remember. I notice the signage to the place or even the square footage of how busy they can be, but I never really know much about what are behind those doors, until I walk up and open it. The same can be said about us human beings.

We tend to see the same things about ourselves. Over and over again and the more we grow up the more our symbols have meaning to them. We learn about ourselves through time – what we like, what we don’t like, what turns us on, what makes us happy, what to love and more. At the same time we nip pick every negative thing about ourselves until we feel okay. And doing this hurts us. And that comes from an extreme amount of integrity and knowing who you really are. The day we start to get real about what makes us feel insecure or ugly, is the day we turn things around. As I am learning about myself, someone else I know is too, Nina Grippo. Here is her story from beginning to end.

“I have quite a few insecurities and lately I have been working on myself by finding ways to either embrace, or get rid of them. I’ve learned recently that the people you surround yourself with are the ones who can essentially make or break you. If you have the kind of people in your life who are not afraid to compliment you and genuinely want to see you succeed- hold onto them. Those are the kind of people that can recognize your insecurities and help you overcome them. No matter how small your circle may be, if its filled with the right kind of people, you’re lucky.

I'm shy when meeting people at first. I hate that. I especially get nervous if that person intimidates me. It used to be a lot worse when I was younger. I think going to college has definitely allowed me to feel more comfortable with myself in order make new connections with people. Sometimes, I can get myself to think- how does this person feel about meeting me? Maybe they’re feeling just as nervous, and being shy is also one of their insecurities. That helps me a lot. Everyone gets butterflies, right? I try to not let them take over and alter my personality. No matter how many times you encounter a person after meeting them, the first impression of yourself will likely always stick with them. So might as well make it a good one. Although I consider this an insecurity of mine, it has never been all that bad. 

Honestly, it’s just the initial “Hi, my name is Nina” that gets me apprehensive. Once I get to know a person, even if it’s only been 10 minutes, I am super outgoing. I like to try and “vibe” with people. If there is a vibe going on, the nerves go away instantly. This past summer, for example, I went to apply for a new job as a waitress. It took a lot for me to drive by myself up there, not knowing a single person when I walked in the door. Long story short- I got an interview within a couple days and was hired. But the nerves weren’t over. I was super excited to meet some new people and create new friendships, but also nervous at the same time. I was about to be working with people from a completely different area. Growing up in a small town can really put you in a place where you feel like you can’t venture out. I was previously working somewhere with the same people who I was familiar with for years. Things didn’t work out and I came across this opportunity at a different restaurant. But again, I was completely stepping out of my comfort zone.

Within my first week of training, I knew I made the right move. I had nothing to worry about. Everyone was super friendly and made me feel welcome. There were definitely some good vibes going on. Sometimes it takes a little bit of courage and confidence to venture out, and who knows, you can meet some interesting people along the way. It may not seem like it, but I consider this my first step in essentially stepping out of “the bubble.” I find it to be amazing how I can say this after traveling only about 15 miles from my house to a new job. But it is so true and it was probably one of the best things I’ve done in a while. Some of the girls I work with I feel like I have known them my whole life- when in reality it’s been about 4 months.

I think I consider this a big step for me because I never really ventured out like that. Sad, maybe, but I think I was becoming trapped in where I was before. At my old job, I was working for someone who I’ve known for years. Working with the same people. In the same routine. Not meeting anyone new or branching out. Yes, I go to college and meet new people often, but that’s different. I decided to branch out, because well, I had to. For myself, at least. I made a few mistakes recently that I am not proud of, hurt people, and lost some close friends. I took all of this as a lesson. For a while, I wondered why this all happened to me. What was the reason behind it? Why did I do this? I still think about it every so often. But I stopped letting it consume my brain. I knew I couldn’t keep going over it and over it every day. It wasn’t healthy for me. So I had to take it for what was it was, accept everything that happened, and move on. It may only be roughly six months since I hurt the people closest to me, but believe it or not, it’s shaping me into a better person.

People make mistakes at all ages. We break our mother’s dishes on accident when we’re only 4 years old, and we break people’s hearts when were 20 years old. We’re only human; it’s in our nature to make mistakes. I am not justifying my wrongdoings by any means; however, I think acceptance is what we need to learn as a society. We need to accept the fact that people mess up. And we need to move on from it. Don’t forget, but forgive. I think it takes a strong-minded person to be able to acknowledge their mistakes and grow from them.

I have been trying to focus on myself lately and direct my attention towards the more important things- family, school, career, etc. My main goal in life is to be genuinely happy. Not dwelling on my mistakes from the past and filling my brain with negativity. I beat myself up for a little bit there, trying to figure out the reason for all of this. I don’t typically like to regret anything I do in my life, even if it was 100% stupid. Just because its something I consider wrong now, I thought it was right at the time. I truly believe there is a meaning behind everything that happens. Maybe I haven’t figured it out yet, maybe I never will. But as long as I am happy with myself, and happy with the people in my circle, that’s all I’ve come to care about. Don’t make your mistakes out to be your insecurities. Something you might have considered as a mistake could actually seem to be a blessing in disguise. “

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Mahipal SoCal - @mahipalsocal