Worrier To Warrior

If people wanted to make a difference in the world they would bring in the fashion bitches because nobody gets things done better then they do. “Uncross your legs ladies!” “Stop dragging those Prada dresses on the floor!” “You’re fucking up my runway, I need you to leave now.” It’s not a way of life, it’s just the ways of a fast pace industry where things need to get done on a deadline and this is how it’s done. It’s a way of becoming a warrior, learning what you’re good at and what you’re not to become a stronger individual - pretty much what makes you tick.

I learned a lot about myself, and not just from being in the fashion industry, but from myself before I was in the fashion industry. I was the socially awkward shy boy who kept quiet and avoided making friends. I wasn’t the most popular in school but I for sure was getting the laughs from people who were jerks, when in reality they actually didn’t even know me. This part of my life was called, high school days. But that was then and this is now, today I’m more confident and have a better head on my shoulders. I’m a warrior – a strong confident human being.

I became a warrior for what I went through and I’m not the only one. Sam Lenza, who I went to high school with, also became a warrior and she told me, “We are all beautiful, flawed, at times not as accepting of those flaws but I want everyone as an individual to be proud of who they are. I want to help those that are down and at the end of the day I want a world that is happy and peaceful for all of us to live in, a world where we all may have ups and downs but at the end of the day we all love ourselves for who we are or who we have become”.

Here’s her story at 21. “I started experiencing depression and PTSD as a small child due to some horrific experiences. By the age of 19 I started to experience anxiety becoming an issue in my life, I did what most people would do and I started counseling and seeing psychiatrist’s for my issues. I started taking medication at the age of 20 and from that point my life has been difficult to deal with due to my problems and from the medications I started to take for these issues. I was on, what seemed to be a constant battle with my own thoughts and an emotional roller coaster with my anxiety. When I started to take medication for anxiety I thought at first it was effective, due to the medication temporarily masking the issue.

Over time my anxiety and depression only seemed to get worse and I was in need (from what psychiatrists believed) more medication. This only started a downward spiral of me almost always being an emotional mess and the doctors always relied more on the medication as a “treatment” for my depression and anxiety. The doctors for the majority didn’t ever seem like they wanted to help me. They were always most concerned with the medication. After time, my anxiety only seemed to escalate. My life got to the point where I was always relying on medication to “fix me”. After taking multiple medications over the years they only became a crutch for me. It got to the point where I was always reaching for the pill bottle when I was anxious or sad, and it was never the right answer. I learned that when all of this psychiatric medication caused my depression and anxiety to escalate to the point where I ended up in a psych ward. There I started to become only more brain washed to just rely on medications for the rest of my life. These doctors only FURTHER brain washed me. When I came home from the ward and was back in reality I had a moment of clarity and caused me to start thinking back to a time when I had all of these issues and wasn’t taking any medication. It was only then I finally realized, all of this medication caused these problems to not only still occur, but further escalate. I knew at that moment that these meds never truly helped me but prevented the inevitable, temporarily.

I threw away all of the medication, took a long and hard look at myself in the mirror and said to myself “What are you doing? You’re better than this, and you’re stronger than this”. I came to the realization that medication has truly never helped or benefited my life for the long run, only temporarily. I have always wanted to help others throughout my existence and make others happy but not just happy for the time being, but happy with themselves. As a child and young adult I always struggled with bullies, which wasn’t a good contribution to my already not satisfying home life, which is where it all began. But no matter how sad I ever was or unhappy with myself I became, It was always my mission to help others, and if ever a time someone didn’t get better I felt as though I have failed.

Despite all of the trauma I’ve had from my past I was strong and at times it only made me stronger and motivated me to keep pushing to help others from my experience. I know what it’s like to feel worthless, I know what it’s like to no longer want to be a part of this world, and I know more than anything what it feels like to want to give up. I feel as though my own experiences would only help my mission that much more, being able to relate to people in need of some positive support and knowing what they are going through. As I went on through life telling my story to others it , at times inspired others to realize that no matter how hard life may seem sometimes, we as individuals can always overcome it, we just have to want it. I kept going forward spreading my story with friends and people I saw struggling, to give them a more perspective on how cruel this world could truly be, but most importantly to never let it hinder who you are as a person and to only use those traumatic experiences to help others in need who may have gone through similar struggles.

We as a human race don’t always need medication in order to help us; we just need some understanding, and compassion from another to help us keep on pushing forward. I’ve been told by many that my advice, my story, or even just being there for someone to talk to helped more than I would ever know. My only hope is that I can have the chance and opportunity to help as many people as I can. I don’t want people to feel as though drugs are the answer to happiness. Before I leave this earth I still want people to hear my words and to always stay positive and keep going forward in their lives.”

The truth is we can’t go through this life alone, we need one another. We all have been through some horrific experience at some point in our life. For me, I’ve been through plenty and experienced some frightening outcomes, and I’m still here. When people ask how I sleep, I say I sleep like a fucking baby. In end when you realize what has all happened, you’ll understand that it’s not a breakdown, it’s a breakthrough.

Thanks for reading everyone

Be sure to follow me following my dreams

Facebook & Instagram

Mahipal SoCal - @mahipalsocal